Listening as a Loving Practice

Listening as a Loving Practice...

Underneath our words, underneath our feelings, underneath our “convictions” are unconscious beliefs that have snuck into our belief patterns. Maybe from the way we were raised, maybe from our friends at school, maybe out of self-preservation in response to trauma.

The thing is..these belief patterns keep us from being able to hear each other.

As soon as we hear something we don’t like, we don’t agree with…we start operating out of rejection mode. We reject what we think we heard…the words…and we reject the person. We judge. Our parents, our friends, people we don’t even know on social media…we give them and their ideas, thoughts, feelings a thumbs down. Rejected.

What if , instead we tried to lean in? To listen?

What is behind the words?

What if, instead we tried…” I want to listen to you”… “I am interested”...

Imagine that someone you love is about to make a bad decision…You can see the train wreck about to happen. It’s a BAD idea…you feel like you must do or say whatever it takes to stop this.

At this point you have a choice.

You can let them know how dumb the idea will be. Your every day self has so much invested in managing, micro-managing, crisis prevention…especially in others…there is so much pressure to take over…

But right away when we meet this loved one with a big NO…DON’T DO IT…they receive it as a rejection of them. They shut down. They feel invalidated. Unsupported.

OR…You can listen. With empathy.

Reflect back what you heard them say.

Listen.

How does it feel to be heard? Truly heard?

How different might it feel to listen?

The thing is…when we begin to listen with loving attention to another, we discover that we are operating from our essential, truest selves.

The every day self, who automatically rejects those who are different, or who have hurt us ,or we are afraid might hurt us, or who we disagree with…this every day self sort of disappears…

When we listen with loving compassion we become someone who doesn’t feel as anxious.

We become someone who is no longer fearful of what might happen and instead we are filled with love.

Actual expansive love.

And we begin to recognize our truest self.

We let go of fear and become…interested…authentic…

And this is where true healing can begin. When we discover our capacity to see and hear another, we start to awaken in ourselves the part of us hidden away that needs to be heard.

It is time to begin to listen to the part of ourselves that needs to heal. Lovingly.